"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize