she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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