It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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