i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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