I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
