love makes seman taste better
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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