Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am spending my child support on dildos
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
