I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
