The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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