The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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