So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
