Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
false alarm, still single
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