no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
