she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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