3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
