Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
