should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
