What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
