so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
