Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
