The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
