i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
