Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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