Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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