hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
