Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
