And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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