Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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