I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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