I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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