; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
