Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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