we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
