when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
