U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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