i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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