How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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