Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
