he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I see more hoeing in ur future
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