you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
