I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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