saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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