We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize