So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
