Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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