dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
