All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
