she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
