I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
