I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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