Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish you could order shots online.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
