You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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