you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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