somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize