Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
