I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
