Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
