You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize