The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
