btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
