I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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