Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
