i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
